DISPATCHES
Report From the Cancer-Hep C Battlefield
by Rob Schultheis
Aug 20, 2011 | 1884 views | 0 0 comments | 13 13 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Sometimes you bite the bullet, and sometimes the bullet hits you right in the yin-yang;  I know, I know, that’s not how the saying goes, but I’m rewriting it to fit the facts of the occasion.  

This alliance of cancer and Hep C – not good. Wahab (my Afghan name) not like it or understand it, so it double-bad juju for Wahab.

First one devil poke Wahab in eyes, like Three Stooges, then other one pull his pants down and set his jockey shorts on fire.  Then they write “Wahab is a Donkey” on Wahab’s bum in magic marker and take picture to show their friends.  This not fair, but they not care; they tell Wahab, “If you don’t like it, stop us from doing it.”

Then they laugh, HA HA HA HA!  

Wahab trying to think of plan to get these two badmashes back, but so far his brain not able to come up with  good plan; each has fatal flaw. If Wahab blow them up then Wahab blow up, too; same with poison, though doctors already tried that with chemo:  both cancer and Wahab got very, very sick, like old saying, “We had to destroy village to save village.” Good idea, unless you are village.  Doctors have other ideas, too, like take out bladder where cancer is and run tube up inside body to chest and hide it under flower in buttonhole; then when Wahab meet someone he not like, he say hello, and “whisshh!” 

It sounded funny at first, and Wahab even made list of possible victims, but then he realize trick would grow old quickly, and besides, who wears flower in buttonhole now? Not even in Keren von Munjon, in mountains of Afghanistan, where schools teach Earth is flat and you can walk from Khyber Pass to New York in one week because “oceans”  are Crusader propaganda and no bigger than Kabul Reservoir.  

Neither doctors nor Wahab have good idea for Hitlertitis C;  if Wahab not have cancer too, he would already be going through 12-month Hitlertitis anti-viral program, but now cancer would say “Aha!” and start taking over, in meantime. On other hand, cancer surgery, etc., maybe finish off Wahab’s tired old infected liver anyhow, so he end up looking and feeling like defective Frankenstein monster and then be pushing up columbines and skunk cabbage, anyway.

There no obvious way to fight alliance between Napoleon (my name for cancer—small, sneaky, and wants to conquer everything) and Hitlertitis C; fighting one maybe OK, but two is like old saying by al-Sanaie,  “A naked man in a beehive should stop yelling and crying and go somewhere else.”

 

More dispatches from Wahab soon;  hopefully better news from battlefront against the Terrible Two….

Comments
(0)
Comments-icon Post a Comment
No Comments Yet