Doom to Newsies | Dispatches
by Rob Schultheis
May 08, 2008 | 2235 views | 0 0 comments | 18 18 recommendations | email to a friend | print
The so-called “journalists” in this country have already fouled up the upcoming election so badly that I’ve had to practice a Tantric visualization to keep from heaving a copy of The First Casualty through the %#@!* TV screen and burning the wreckage on a pile of copies of the Sunday New York Times and the Washington Post.

I picture in my mind’s eye a row of Pulitzer and Emmy finalists, people like CNN’s (I’ve Never Seen a Candy I Didn’t Want to Eat) Crowley, the odious O’Reilly, Hannity, et. al., David Remnick of the New Yorker, the AP’s Washington bureau, und so weiter. And as they smirk, preen and pose for their fellow rogues they are suddenly hit by a volley of rotten cabbages, flash-bangs, white phosphorus incendiaries, lachrymatory crowd dispersal devices, Molotov cocktails, satchel charges, vegetable marrows, overripe Durian fruit, dead cats, mangel-wurzels, frozen squid, frags, leaky sacks of toxic offal and slaughterhouse effluvia, Bangalore torpedoes, and ammonium nitrate, diesel fuel and scrap shrap smeared with human feces IEDs courtesy of the inquiring minds at Cong and Sons, Purveyors to Revolutionaries and Counter-Revolutionaries Around the World…

“Oh, the humanity!” (using the term loosely), and what a lovely vision it is, no doubt about it.

Am I being too harsh to the ink-stained wretches of the Fourth Estate? Methinks not … because “all” they are doing this election season is helping finish off the last vestiges of in the poor ol’ U.S. of A.

Following the shameful debacle of their Democratic Presidential Candidates’ “Debate,” a display that was so ineffably godawful that even their cronies and peers slagged it, they are now trumping themselves by running a blatantly race-baiting campaign against Barack Obama, sliming him by proxy by exhuming every inflammatory statement made by Obama’s EX-minister (note my emphasis on “ex”). Mr. Obama has clearly and unequivocally disavowed the statements and sentiments of his former minister. One would think the buck, and the story, would stop here, but no-o-o-o, not in the Land of Stupefaction, Stupidity and Cupidity par excellence: there are big ratings, i.e., big bucks, in scandal, demagoguery, prejudice, and divisiveness, so the media have sent forth a whole rat pack of shameless half-bright dipsticks to follow the loony ex-Obama reverend around and record his every inflammatory utterance, the more outrageous the better.

“Bulletin: Former Obama preacher says white man ‘devil from hell!’”

“News Flash: Obama-linked reverend calls for jail sentences for descendants of former slave owners.”

Hey, whatever rocks the bigots’ boats and makes white men go bonkers around the water cooler or on the first tee at the local 18-holer.

So it boils down to this: our economy, society and government are in ruins. Less than 50 percent of the high school students currently enrolled in New York City schools are going to graduate, and polls show that we are considered the leading threat to world peace by countries ranging from Scandinavia and Western Europe to the Middle East to Asia.

Iran has a far more active stem cell research than we do, because their “fanatical” Moslem religious leaders, unlike our televangelist “Christian” clergy, decided the benefits to humanity outweighed any nebulous theological concerns. Everything American is going to hell in a flaming hand basket, and our “news” men and women respond by mounting a huge investigatory-cum-editorial effort into uncovering the former minister of one of the Presidential candidates?!?

Evelyn Waugh, eat your heart out: you were several decades too early when you wrote Scoop.

A perfect complement to all this is the brainless ad now running on primetime network television. It depicts a Cosbyish middle class African-American family in the throes of a crisis: the kids (two boys and a girl) are too busy with school, cultural pursuits and the like to join Dad and Mom in some Quality Family Time. In the end, Dad has his way, and the last we see of the family they are slumped together on the couch like so many potatoes, opium-smokers or coma victims, engaging in … guess what? Yup, watching their new big-screen Panasonic TV!

It’s nice to see advertisers addressing our nation’s core problems while they peddle their wares: as we all know, American kids, especially members of minority groups, spend far too much time studying, taking part in cultural activities, et. al., and far too little sprawled in front of the Bozo Box, the Boob Tube. Thank you, Media Moguls of Moloch-land!
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